Discover How Get Your Ex Back in 4 Easy Steps

Almost everyone in their life has had to go through a breakup.  A breakup is a strange thing.  Most things in life, the more you do them, the easier it becomes to do.  With breakups no matter how many you’ve had to go through in the past, they certainly don’t become easier to go through.

After a breakup, unless the relationship was completely terrible, most people desire to get their ex back.  In fact, sometimes, even if the relationship was unhealthy, they still desire to get their ex back.  You really shouldn’t try to get back with your ex if they ever used physical violence or words to hurt you.  That is not a healthy relationship.  If you were in a relationship like that and your ex broke up with you, then consider yourself lucky.

Otherwise, most relationships follow a pretty predictable pattern.  When you first meet someone everything is wonderful and new.  They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes.  After a short while comfort sets in.  You adjust to each other.  When the newness is gone and the comfort is there things in the relationship change.  The little quirks you were willing to overlook before actually bother you now.

There is an expression: “Familiarity breeds contempt.”  Truer words couldn’t be spoken for relationships.  After a couple get comfortable and familiar with each other, trouble usually starts.  This is exactly what tests the strength of the relationship.  It takes work and effort to maintain a relationship.  Sometimes, when things break, instead of getting repaired, the other person wants out of the relationship completely

Do you believe, despite it being over, your relationship is worth salvaging, even if the other person made it clear, it’s over?  You need some answers on how get your ex back.  Here are four steps you can take.

1. Say sorry

Saying you are sorry is one of the best how get your ex back methods.  Even if it doesn’t get your ex back, it’s usually the best first step.  Be sure that you say sorry for the right reasons.  After a breakup it can be easy to blame yourself for everything.  Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship.  Knowing what exactly to apologize for is critical.

Whatever you do, when you apologize don’t let your ex bait you into an argument.  The biggest irony of saying sorry to an ex is that it can easily lead to another fight.  If you say you’re sorry, and your ex brings something else up, don’t get defensive.  Stay calm, keep your emotions, your ego, and your pride in check.

2. Sit down and talk things out

If your ex is up to it, set a time where both of you can sit down and talk.  Whatever you don’t beg, plead, cry, or force your ex into this.  If they don’t want to, then just go to the next step.  If they do agree, you’re going to have to keep your emotions in check.  This isn’t the time to get into a fight again.  Make it clear to your ex that you have no desire to bring blame into the discussion.

You want to talk about the issues objectively. If you talk strictly about the issues without assigning blame, you’ll get better results.  It is best if you can get a therapist or an expert in the field of relationships involved with this, if at all possible.

3. Give some space

This may seem counter-intuitive to how get your ex back.  You have to remember just because you want to talk to them or see them, doesn’t mean they do.  It is crucial to allow the partner some space. A brief time away from each other, before you try to win them back, will give you both time to cool down and a chance for them to miss you.  If you’re in touch with them all the time, they won’t be able to miss you.

4. Show them you care about yourself

Prove to them that you care about yourself. If you seem desperate, clingy, and whiny, you will not succeed.  If you sit around the house waiting for them to call or keep checking your email every few minutes hoping to get their message, you’re not doing yourself any favors.  Hang out with friends.  Go to movies, go to concerts, go to the mall.  Whatever, just get up and get out and live your life.

It’s best if you’re not there when your ex calls.  Then they’ll be wondering what you’re doing.  If you’re out and your cell rings and its your ex, don’t answer it.  Let the call go to voice mail. The best thing to do is wait until the next day to call them back.  Tell them you were busy, and you didn’t have time to call them back.  This will probably shock them.  You may even be able to get them to pursue you again.

Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it.  The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.

Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance.  The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason.  Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest.  That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup.  In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship.  If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion. 

Don’t put your partner on the defensive.  Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love.  Be present during the break up.  Your partner may become very emotional during this time.  You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship.  Your partner may say things they don’t really mean.  Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship.  Or, they may need space.  Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.

But don’t let them make you feel guilty.  You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex.  It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting?  Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide.  Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met.  If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.

However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.